Outdoor drinking, specifically, drinking outside during the day is one of the purest forms of relaxation that has ever been invented. There is no better feeling than catching a nice, honey-kissed tan while drinking an ice cold beverage – booze saturated beverage, of course. That’s really the long and short of it to me. I’d never venture to give advice on something so carnally pleasing. How you want to enjoy a beautiful day and a beautiful drink should be between you and Zuul himself. Not to mention, I’m lazy and the rest of the Noblers did a far better job prepping you for outdoor drinking than I ever could.
However, I will share a small word of advice for the outdoor drinking enthusiasts reading this. Quite simply, don’t be dumb. Know the laws in the town/city/viaduct where you are drinking and know how to break them without getting caught. Be smart, not brazen.
What I’m really saying is don’t be me. A few years ago I was brown-bagging a 40oz in a park in my neighborhood and caught a ticket the instant I started drinking. These were the stupid choices I made that day. Don’t make them yourself!
- Yes, a brown-bagged 4-0 is a legit thing to love and enjoy in an un-ironic way, if you so choose. Quite the cost-efficient bevvy! That said, not inconspicuous by any stretch of the imagination. If you don’t want to draw attention to yourself, how about you don’t drink out of a foot-long brown bag for starts. Maybe buy a few loose cans of Pork Slap or any other beer that looks sorta like a soda. Even better, grab a large fountain cup from a fast-food place and just stick the whole bottle or can of booze straight in there and drink via your straw.
- I was with another friend who was doing the exact same thing. Two dudes, two bikes and two big ol’ drinks in our hands. Looking back, not very discreet or really fun sounding. A blanket, some food, maybe some music and other friends would have been a good buffer for us and would have made us look less like the booze scum we are.
- There was a cop car sitting across the park the whole damn time! I mean really, how idiotic is that? Listen, just look around before you break out the hootch. Make sure you’re in the clear and no 5-0 are lurking.
- Like a wimpy loser I tried to pour my drink out before the cop pulled around so I could try to make a case that I hadn’t been drinking it. To this day I’m shaking my head at how stupid that thought was. Number one, that never would have worked in ten million years. Number two, my buddy did not pour his drink out and, as a result, got to finish the whole thing as our tickets were being written.
- After getting the tickets, we tucked our tails in, went to a bar and sat inside to drink. BULLSHIT. We gave up the dream. For that I will forever be ashamed. You fall off that outdoor drinking bike and get a ticket for disorderly conduct? You get right back on that outdoor drinking bike and be better at it and don’t get a ticket. Plain and simple.
This is all one man’s “hypothetical” advice. We at The Nobler Experiment would never condone breaking the law, nor have we ever broken the law. Justice for all and God Bless America!