A Word of Advice from Your Pal Luther:
Figure it out for yourself my lad.
You’ve got all that the great have had.
Two arms, two legs, two hands, two eyes,
and a brain to use if you’d be wise.
– Excerpted from ‘Equipment’ by Edgar A. Guest
Many years ago Big Chief Nobler and I were at a jam-packed concert where we needed to get drunk FAST. Unfortunately, navigating the crowd for a drink included a short, judo-style wrestling bout; 15 minutes of pure, unadulterated pushing (either by you or of you); a 23-mile crowd surfing journey; and submitting to a blood oath while yelling “WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE!” in full beard.
Needless to say, we only made one drink run before deciding that formal round-buying etiquette wasn’t worth a damn. One for you and one for me wasn’t going to work, especially if our next round wasn’t going to hit our lips until the end of the Subatlantic age.
We said “Fuck it” and went solo using two very different strategies. BCN went straight for the hard stuff looking to get more bang for his buck. And I, being the liquor-novice that I am (aka: eww that burns!), knew I’d have to make my own path. I looked into my big dumb mitts and had an epiphany – two hands = two beers! BOOM!
Not impressive? Not groundbreaking? Not original? Oh, I know. That wasn’t even the first time I’d double-fisted before. But, it was a turning point for me. No longer would I feel forced by society to defer my wants in order to accommodate others. No longer would I feel shame for ordering more than I could consume right at that moment. No longer would I wait in a stupid long line to get one single, dinky drink. The time for efficient, effective boozing was nigh!
Fast forward to this weekend – we’re at some dumb, crazy bar with a million haircuts just running all over the joint. The lines are long and the wait seems unbearable. I finally make it to the front, ask for what’s on special (this used to embarrass me too), and signal that I want two while a friend to my left asks for one.
The bartender pops out three PBR tallboys from the fridge (of course that’s the special) and opens one – leaving the other two unopened. I’m handed the two closed cans while my friend is given the open one. Naturally, my friend asks “Why’d you open mine and not his?” To which the bartender simply states with a wink “I wasn’t sure which of his he was going to keep in his pocket.”
We were kept in a steady supply of handfuls of beer for the rest of the night. Game recognize game.
I’m rambling, so let me end this with a simple challenge. Don’t be afraid to do what makes the most sense to you. Don’t just do what you think you should or what everyone else is doing or expects from you. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to do something just because people may look at you funny. You probably do look funny anyway, but at least you’ll be twice as full!
If you have any simple, obvious, forehead-smacking advice like this share it in the comments.